Twice Lost
by 2601318
Summary: What if Edward never came back into Bella's life? What if Jacob continued to mend what was left of Bella? What if Jacob imprinted on another female. What if Bella had a secret that bonds him to her. Set after Harry's funeral.


_What if Edward never came back into Bella's life? What if Jacob continued to mend what was left of Bella. What if, Bella gave into her emotions and admitted that all she wanted was Jacob? _

_What if Jacob imprinted on another female._

_What if Bella had a secret that bonds him to her._

**Twice Lost**

**- - -**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor anything relating to twilight.**

**Note: **_:speech: _**represents the wolves speaking to one another.**

_Chapter One_

Set one week after the death of Harry Clearwater.

Bella's POV

The sun clung to the overcast sky, peaking through occasionally as if to remind the world that it was still there. Another drizzly day in forks- no shock there. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel as I waited the traffic light to turn green. With a small sigh, I peered out the grimy window of my truck to the world outside. _Poor girl could do with a good clean_. With another sigh, I decided to clean her once I had finished the slowly growing mountain of homework tonight. Or at least had put a noticeable dent in it. I smiled grimly to myself as I slowly revved the engine as the light finally changed to green.

Work seemed to drag on forever, even more so than normal. The clock ticked loudly above the counter as customers drifted in and out continuously in no rush. I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong with me, my restless mood contributing to this. It had been awhile since I had felt even close to this. Jacob had eased the pain and numbness, as well as the restlessness that came with losing...

I panicked for a second, clutching my hand to my chest. The familiar lump rose in my throat as I closed my eyes tightly as I waited for the void to come back. It did that every time I thought of _him_. I waited for the dull pain to rush through my veins like a deadly poison. I waited for the pain to eat away at what was left of my soul- of my humanity.

I waited, and it did not come.

Relief washed through my body. Confused, I opened my eyes. _What had brought that on_? Quickly, I glanced around the showroom. Luckily for me, no one had noticed my small and insignificant panic attack. With a groan, I realized I still had at least an hour of my shift to go.

I needed to see him.

I felt the guilt rise up within me as I thought of my best friend, Jacob Black. I hadn't really been round the last couple of days; I didn't really want to cause any more trouble for him. I was hurting him, emotionally and physically. Why was I such a horrible person? I was sure Jake understood to a degree, but I knew deep down he was hurting. To begin with, I thought that I wanted friendship- and I've always known he wanted more. But over time, that feeling slowly changed. Feelings that I thought had been buried with the memory of someone else. I didn't want that bit _more_, it was too much. In another lifetime, I sure we would have been together, it would have worked out. It was always going to be like that. But I was still broken, still only part of whom I used to be. He didn't deserve second hand goods like me. I pushed down the emotions that started to swirl in the pit of my stomach. As much as I wanted him, I couldn't have him. I couldn't do that to him.

I loved him too much to do that to him.

Jacob's POV

:_Nothing out of the ordinary here boss:_

_:Same here!:_

_:Seth, Jacob. I want you to go home and rest. Paul, Embry and I will patrol for the next 12 hours until Jared and Quil take over:_

_:Do we really need to keep up these shifts if there seems to be no sign danger?:_

There was a slight pause. I used my hind leg to itch at a bug that had just flown into my ear. I hadn't even realized that Leah had phased into this form, but then again, I never really did notice her. She was too much of a negative pain in the f-

_:Buzz off Jacob:_

I winced, well as best as I could in wolf form. It could be such a drag having the rest of the pack being able to read your mind, especially when you were fantasizing about a certain female...

_:Jacob, stop being such a perve!:_

_:That's enough Leah, Jacob stop winding her up:_

Shaking my head, I dislodged the thoughts of seeing Bella nude in the shower, or on top of my bed or-

_:Jacob get a grip on yourself jeez!:_

Hormones were _not_ my best friend that was for sure.

_:Right, I'm out:_

I phased back into a human, a rare blush lingering on my face. Thankful for the cover of the forest from prying eyes, I slipped my shorts back on. Not that I enjoyed wearing them, being in ones true form was... Liberating. Especially when one was running through the trees, the world open to him. I quickly glanced around the small clearing I was in, thankful for the fact I would be home before dusk and tea. I was only about a mile or so away, give or take. With a smile of relief, I slowly jogged my way home where steak and my tiny bed awaited me.

My tiny, _empty_ bed.

Dammit, where was Bella when you needed her?

Bella's POV

_I want to see you..._

I sat at the table, absentmindedly toying with the pasta I had whipped up as soon as I had arrived home from work. Charlie had already gulped his down and was watching a game in the lounge room. The TV blared nosily, distractingly. It aggravated me more than normal, but so had everything else today. I already had chewed Charlie's head off when he asked if I was ok. Charlie had looked shocked for a second, but with a shrug of his shoulders he had left the room.

Sometimes, I really did enjoy the advantages of living with a male parent.

After I had finished playing with the now cold pasta, I slowly washed the dishes as if to drag the time out from now till bed time. Some Friday night this had turned out to be.

"Bella?"

I turned my head slowly towards my father as I dried the last plate.

"Maybe it would be a good idea to go see Jacob?" He suggested as he leaned on the door frame. Its like he _knew_ what I was battling with.

"I don't really want to bother Jacob at the moment, he seems pretty stressed out."

Which was the truth; Victoria's frequent appearance and disappearance had put a strain on all of the wolves.  
Which was of course, as always, my fault.

"Maybe seeing you is just what he needs?" Charlie transferred his weight nervously from one foot to the other. What was up with him?

"Yea, maybe..." I trailed off glumly.

Truth be told, I was still guilt racked from the whole cliff jumping experience. Jacob didn't need me around; I was just extra stress and worry. I didn't _need_ his protection. Charlie raised an eyebrow, worry starting to show in his eyes. I was sounding like the old Bella, the Bella that had manifested inside of me until Jacob had destroyed it. He was the light in the darkness. I quickly swallowed the guilt.

I really did need him though.

"Wait, on second thought, I haven't seen him in a few days. Yea, I'll go for an hour or two."

Charlie beamed, seeming pleased with himself as I chucked on a jacket and grabbed my keys. I was thankful for the fact that Harry's death hadn't effected him too much. I didn't like the idea of Charlie upset, he tended to do it alone. I tried to give him as much space as I could at the moment without leaving him in the danger of him cooking his own tea.

"Ring me if there's any change of plans!" He called as he resumed his spot in the lazyboy as I made my way out of the house.

Jacob's POV

Sometimes, I wish I did have dreams like a real dog. Ones of chasing bunnies, or finding a nice juicy bone. I'm pretty sure they don't have dreams of girls dancing around in revealing outfits, teasing the heck out of you. Not that that's a bad thing, of course.

Tonight, Bella wore a swimsuit. If you could even call it that. It reminded me more of dental floss with bits of fabric appropriately placed here and there. I stood on the shoreline, the waves tickling my feet. She stood in waist height water, beckoning me with a finger. Happy to oblidge, I walked into the water to greet her. With a sly smile that made my insides do weird things, she walked out deeper into the water. With a playful growl, I followed her in, picking up the pace slightly. She turned around as I caught up to her, laughing gleefully as I wrapped my arms around her waist. She relaxed into my hold, her colder skin a direct contrast to my hot flesh.

"Jacob..." She whispered as she turned, her face looking up towards me, her hands placed on my abdominal reign. "Jacob..." She whispered again as she stood on her tippy toes, her eyes closed as she waited for me to kiss her. "Bella" I murmured back as I started to lean towards her...

"Jacob?"

I awoke with a fright, disappointment evident on my face. Bella looked at me with an eyebrow raised, looking slightly amused and embarrassed as she stood beside my bed. "What?" I asked gruffly as I rubbed my eyes and subtly using my freehand to cover my groin area. _I really really hope she didn't notice that._

"You were, uh, saying my name while you were asleep" She blushed. I groaned and rolled over so I faced the wall so she couldn't see the shame on my face. I let out a small curse, softly enough that she didn't hear. "So what brings you here Ms Swan?" I asked, hoping to change the topic before it got to me admitting what my dream was about. I let out a loud yawn, stretching my body out. That was never a good idea, I tended to hit both ends of my room. Bella let out a small giggle as she watched me. I rolled back over to face her as I waited for an answer. "Its nine o'clock, is something wrong?"

Bella shook her head. "No, I missed you. That's all." She flashed a small grin at me, a personal favourite of mine. Another thing on the long list of things I loved about Bella. I patted the space next to me, not that there was much of it. "Isabella Swan," I said in a mocking tone which earned me a death glare "I demand you lay down next to me and tell what that matter is." I covered my unease with my light teasing. I never really had told Bella I can sorta _smell _what mood she was in, even if she was covering it. The guilt and confusion seemed to radiate from her.

With an overly dramatic sigh, Bella curled up beside me, making sure there was at least 1 inch between us like always. I chuckled as I used my arms to scope her and pull her in close to me and close the distance. The close contact sent my heart rate speeding. She felt soft and breakable in my arms, like a living doll. Lightly, she elbowed me in the ribs in response to the grabbing before settling in comfortably. I nudged her head gently with my nose, the smell of her shampoo making me feel light headed. "But seriously- what's up?"

"For the last time, nothing!" Bella snapped as she tensed up in my arms. Females can be so grouchy!

"I'm sorry, I can't help I care about you jeez." I whispered as I nuzzled into her neck. Surprisingly, she let me do it. Normally she would have swatted me away by now, and say something that emphasized we were just friends or that she was too old.

Blah blah blah.

Bella took a breath before declaring "you are a pain in the arse." She rested her head on my chest, as if she was listening to my heartbeat. A cheesy grin covered my face "but I'm your pain in the arse!" Bella groaned at my comment. "You're lucky you are my best friend or I would kill you for being so corny."

Bestfriend, smishfriend.

I'd rather it be _boyfriend_.

"When will you give in and realize how handsome I am and that you're in love with me?" I laughed, hoping that it disguised the yearning behind it. "Perhaps when I have grown a third leg?" she said dryly, her head still resting on my chest. I knew she digged the abs, bet the bloodsucker didn't have them as good as _me._ "Oh, look, I think I can see a third leg growing right now!" Bella's body shook gently in my hold. Curiosity still rolled around in my head, Bella still seemed a little bit tense. Had I said something to her before hand? Was it something to do with the last couple of weeks? I bit my lip.

"Bells..."

She tensed up again at my change of tone. I prayed that she wouldn't spaz at me.

"I can tell something is up. Please don't lie."

The room went quiet for a minute or two as I waited patiently for her reply, not really wanting to push her. I felt something drip onto my bare chest, followed by another drip. I sat straight up, carefully holding her on my lap. "Bells, _are you crying_?" she looked down shamefully, not wanting to meet my gaze. My heart felt like it was being torn in two. I hated Bella being upset.

"Bells, have I said something?" I asked in earnest. "Have I done something wrong?"

Bella hiccupped. "I-it's not you. It's me." Sobs racked her small frame. I clung to her tighter. What on earth was she on about?

"Bella, could you please explain?" I asked as I cupped her face with my hands. She looked up at me, uncertainty clouding her big brown eyes. I used a thumb to wipe away the tears that streamed down her pale face. She hiccupped again, not answering. I sighed as I searched her eyes for an answer. "Bells, you have no idea how beautiful you are- truly." Her eyes opened wider in confusion. _I wish I could kiss your pain away._

"It's the whole Victoria thing- and that cliff..." She grimaced as she carried on from before, "I put you guys into unnecessary risk!"

So that's what she was on about, it definitely explained the guilty vibe I was feeling before.

"Bella, you idiot!" whoops, that came out a bit harsher than I intended. "It's not your fault! None of it is! Please, I say it on the packs behalf. Victoria has gone for now, we haven't caught a whiff of her scent for over a week. They enjoy the chase anyways; it gives us a sense of purpose." I paused, breathing heavily. "I can't put it all into words but you have to believe me,"

"Bella, I love you. Seeing you like this makes me feel..." I couldn't say it.

"I..."

What happened next felt so natural, so right. I nervously leaned my head towards hers, my lips gently touching hers. She was still, like a statue. I did it again, harder, and again. I felt the fear of rejection building up in my stomach like acid. I was about to stop when I could feel Bella relax as she wrapped an arm around my neck and finally kiss me back. I lay down on my bed, bringing Bella with me. Our kisses became more passionate as I got the jist of what to do. Admittedly it was my first real kiss.

And probably the best I will ever have.

My hands eagerly explored her back, growing slightly annoyed at the cloth separating her chest from mine. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and explored it too. I was totally and utterly in heaven. I could feel my growing need press into her stomach, and judging by the way she stiffened, she could feel it too. _Guess the bloodsucker never has that problem._

Bella sat up, ignoring my whining. "I've got to go; I promised Charlie I would be home tonight." She kissed me one more time, before slipping off the bed. I felt the cold air cover where her body had been straight away. It was definitely a feeling I did not enjoy at all, or that I wanted to get used to. "I'll let myself out, you need your rest," I started to get up but she shook her head "Its fine, honest. And Jacob... Thank you." and with that she walked out of the room.

Thoughts went raging through my head as I buried my head into my pillow. Did this mean she actually wanted me? I thought it was because she was upset... But she had kissed me again before she had left. Agh! I don't understand this!

All I know is the pack was going to hate me tomorrow with this running through my mind.

Bella's POV

My hands were shaking as I put the key into ignition. That had definitely not gone as I had expected. I had broken the one rule I can placed down about our supposed friendship. I had promised myself I would stop hurting him, that I wouldn't cross that line that defined friendship. I bit my lip in an effort to stop another cascade of tears that threatened to spill everywhere. I couldn't denie it anymore.

Tonight really was proof that I did want him.

Maybe, there really was no harm in it?

I knew... I knew that Edward was never coming back for me, he had never truly wanted me. I was just a human obsession to him. It probably had something to do with the fact he couldn't read my mind. It did explain a lot, as much as it killed me to admit. I had felt part of me die with him when he had walked away.

Jacob had been there the whole time, wanting me the whole time.

He had created another part of me, a happier Bella. He had returned my soul to me. He completed me.

Emotions crashed through my body, leaving me feel bewildered. I could hardly concentrate as I drove home. My body was screaming to return to Jacob. _My_ Jacob.

Edward's POV

_Please let her be happy._

**- - -**

**Authors Note:** Reviews would be deeply appreciated. I know I have a lot to improve on and any comment on how to would be nice. Also, please bear with me while I get used to writing in this POV, I'm used to third person so it's kind of new to me.

Yours, Kayla.


End file.
